Have you read Tuchman’s The Guns of August? I think it’s in the chapter on the sack of Louvain that Tuchman mentions a book written by Emile Verhaeren, who saw what the Germans did to his country (Belgium). He said that hate was not hidden in his book and yet he was aware of how the hatred, however justified, diminished his soul. He dedicated his book, ‘with emotion, to the man I used to be.’ Or google Emile Verhaeren. You might find these things helpful; I literally pray that they may be so for you.